090 - ANDREW SHAFFER - WORLD'S WORST FAN FICTION

Let your imaginations run wild - this week we are reading the World's Worst Fan Fiction. Our guest is Andrew Shaffer, New York Times best-selling author and fan fiction parody writer extraordinaire. He tells us about the genesis of 50 Shades Of Grey among thousands of other Twilight fan fiction tales, while Ben talks about sex and Barry dives back in time to some of the earliest fan fiction stories around. It's a very saucy episode - if there isn't slash fiction written about us after this one, then you're all clearly made of wood!

Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @8thcirclepress

Visit www.worstfootforwardpodcast.com for all previous episodes and you can now donate to us on Patreon if you’d like to support Ben’s new baby and Barry’s crippling trivia addiction: https://www.patreon.com/WorstFootForward

089 - JACK BERNHARDT - WORLD'S WORST PRESIDENT

Having already determined the worst monarch and emperors of all time we return to what can best be described as History's Marianna Trench of awful leaders to uncover the Worst President. And no, it's not who you think it is - but only because he's not had enough time to do that much damage.

Joined by BBC Radio 4 and Guardian writer Jack Bernhardt examine likely candidates from the IOC, the Hall of Presidents and a French President who died perhaps the most French death of all time.

Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @jackbern23

Visit www.worstfootforwardpodcast.com for all previous episodes and you can now donate to us on Patreon if you’d like to support Ben’s new baby and Barry’s crippling trivia addiction: www.patreon.com/WorstFootForward

088 - HELEN MCCARTHY - WORLD'S WORST CULT

The Church of the Holy Worst Foot holds the secret to eternal satisfaction you've been looking for all your life. Available for a low low lifetime subscription fee of several million pounds! This week, we are joined by host of That's A Cult?, Helen McCarthy, to discuss the World's Worst Cults. There are Japanese foot-readers, Indian bike-worshippers, Quebecois masochists, militant nudists and The Crown Prince of Hell himself. Just another day in the compound then...

Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @thatsacult@helenlmccarthy

Visit www.worstfootforwardpodcast.com for all previous episodes and you can now donate to us on Patreon if you’d like to support Ben’s new baby and Barry’s crippling trivia addiction: www.patreon.com/WorstFootForward

087 - MATT HIGHTON - WORLD'S WORST DEATH SCENE

Slashed down in a shower, melted by a girl and her little dog too or just squashed by an ACME anvil - it’s time for this podcast to die in the World’s Worst Death Scene possible. Taking on this topic suggested by Patreon supporter Catherine Pugh is comedian Matthew Highton who revisits the third instalment in the legendary Basket Case trilogy. Remember guys? Remember Basket Case? Ah you do. No? Really? There’s also plenty of paltry perishing from Barry and Ben too, with diversions into Shakespeare and snuff films, Ancient Rome and Ethan Frome. This one has the occasional gross description, so do listen with care.

Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @MattHighton

Visit www.worstfootforwardpodcast.com for all previous episodes and you can now donate to us on Patreon if you’d like to support Ben’s new baby and Barry’s crippling trivia addiction: www.patreon.com/WorstFootForward

086 - MOLLY KER HAWN - WORLD'S WORST FICTIONAL CHILD

In this episode we line up some of the stickiest, naughtiest, most badly behaved and obnoxiously prodigious children ever created by authors and line them up for six of the best. We're joined by literary agent Molly Ker Hawn, someone who is steeped in children's literature as National Programs Director at the Children’s Book Council and a past board member of the United States Board on Books for Young People. Like all good agents she knows what she likes and doesn't hold back when she finds something that doesn't cut the mustard. We end up talking about Belgian newspapers, Roman foundational myths, Roald Dahl's offcuts and an audacious wartime fraud.

Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @mollykh

Visit www.worstfootforwardpodcast.com for all previous episodes and you can now donate to us on Patreon if you’d like to support Ben’s new baby and Barry’s crippling trivia addiction: www.patreon.com/WorstFootForward

085 - TAYLOR GLENN - WORLD'S WORST DETECTIVE

Gumshoes on, private dicks at the ready, it’s time to crack the case of the World’s Worst Detective. With us is the multi-talented Taylor Glenn, host of the Drunk Women Solving Crime podcast and she sweeps her magnifying glass across the questionable tactics of on-screen detectives. Meanwhile, Ben looks into the weird and wild biography of the father of modern detection, and Barry journeys to Cabot Cove, murder capital of the world, to hunt down Angela Lansbury.

Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @taylorglennuk @drunkwomenpod

Visit www.worstfootforwardpodcast.com for all previous episodes and you can now donate to us on Patreon if you’d like to support Ben’s new baby and Barry’s crippling trivia addiction: https://www.patreon.com/WorstFootForward

084b - THE BEST OF THE WORST OF THE BEST 2

Hop in the time machine! Ben and Barry are jumping back to episodes 6-10 as they revisit those subjects - but in a positive light!

76 episodes ago we uncovered the worst British Day Out, Architect, Astronaut, Heist Movie and General. This time, the very best of these include burning Viking longboats in the Shetland Islands, a classic film oozing Cool Britannia and a buccaneering French aristocrat. AND there's a redemption story for an old friend from space.

Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde@podnoseba

084 - LORD FEAR AKA TOM BELL - WORLD'S WORST EMPEROR

Listen to the sound of those really long trumpets with carpets dangling off them - it can only mean one thing, it's time for our episode about the worst emperors of all time.

We're joined by the master of the Knightmare dungeon Lord Fear, in heavy disguise as actor and comedian Tom Bell as we discover tales of incest, concubines, whoopee cushions, penguins, ghost-killing ceremonies, Ming the Merciless and fox-tossing.

If you enjoyed this show you can support us by heading to www.patreon.com/WorstFootForward and pledge to support the show from as little as $2/month. When we hit 25 donors we'll crack out an extra show each month where we will go even more in depth about previous show winners and reveal even more daft stories of heroic, farcical and often bloody failure.

083 - JOURNEY AROUND THE MONOPOLY BOARD

Pull up a chair and prepare for some world class arguments, trivia and brutal no-holds-barred capitalism as Ben and Barry present their first ever Patreon exclusive. We promised that when we got to 10 Patreon donors we'd do special episode and here it is.

We revisited the world's worst board game - Monopoly - with former guest Paul Flannery and played a game so you guys never have to again. On the way we journeyed through all of the destinations on the London board and uncovered the worst stories possible in all of the locations, including kinky Czech classical musicians, brutal East End gangsters, bear-baiting, Boudicea's grave and how MI5 used Free Parking to win the war.

We didn't want to subject you to the full experience of over two hours of Monopoly gameplay, so consider this an edited highlights reel.

Let us know what you thought of the special on our Twitter @WorstFoot or via email on worstfootforwardpodcast@gmail.com. If you enjoyed this show and would like us to make more Patreon Specials, then head to www.patreon.com/WorstFootForward and pledge to support the show from as little as $2/month. When we hit 25 donors we'll crack out an extra show each month where we will go even more in depth about previous show winners and reveal even more daft stories of heroic, farcical and often bloody failure.

Follow us on Twitter: @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @piratemoustache

082 - OSCAR TOEMAN - WORLD'S WORST RESIGNATION

This week we are stepping down, shaking golden handshakes and leaving with our heads held high. Theatre director Oscar Toeman will guide Ben and Barry through the awkward history of the world’s worst resignations. Ben explores Ferdinand Marcos’ attempts to cling to power, Barry tells of a British peer who revealed his affairs a bit prematurely and Oscar sticks his head under the toilet cubicle doors in the old Wembley stadium to witness an England manager’s demise.

Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @OscarT216

081 - FRANCESCO DE CARLO - WORLD'S WORST PRANK

Come, shake us by the hand. BUZZZZZZ! Smell the flower in my lapel. SPLAAAASSSHHHH! Sit on this comfy cushion. FAAARRTTTT! Sorry guys, but this week we are full of mischief and trickery as we try out some of the World’s Worst Pranks. With us is Italian comedian and former host of a radio prank show Francesco De Carlo who tells us about the time he lost a classmate in a Viennese museum. Barry explores the imperial history of whoopee cushions and how the British tried to beat Hitler with porn. And Ben takes in the spaghetti harvest and teaches us a thing or two about cracked pots.

Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @francescotwitta

Visit www.worstfootforwardpodcast.com for all previous episodes and you can now donate to us on Patreon if you’d like to support Ben’s new baby and Barry’s crippling trivia addiction: www.patreon.com/WorstFootForward

080 - ABIGAIL BURDESS - WORLD'S WORST DANCE

One two three, step two three, one two three, I’m so sorry, I’ve crushed your toes. Swing your partners round and round this week, it’s time for us to chassis our way into the World’s Worst Dance. Grabbing us round the waist and clinging on for dear life is our guest, the comedian, writer and actress Abigail Burdess, who has a few choice words for Morris dancers everywhere. Meanwhile, Ben takes us to the early days of modern dance with a look at Stravinksy’s ‘Rite of Spring’ as choreographed by a horse, and Barry diagnoses dancing plagues and broken penises.

Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @AbigailBurdess

Visit www.worstfootforwardpodcast.com for all previous episodes and you can now donate to us on Patreon if you’d like to support Ben’s new baby and Barry’s crippling trivia addiction: https://www.patreon.com/WorstFootForward

079 - DANI CHARLTON - WORLD'S WORST BAND NAME

Many a good band has fallen by the wayside for want of a decent name. Then again, some have prospered despite really pisspoor monikers - take a bow, Coldplay. Radio presenter and producer Dani Charlton is with us skim our record collections in search of the World's Worst Band Names. There are endless death metal and witch house groups, some Martians who named themselves in French binary, a couple of Motts and one or two Hooples.

Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @Dani_Charlton

Visit www.worstfootforwardpodcast.com for all previous episodes and you can now donate to us on Patreon if you’d like to support Ben’s new baby and Barry’s crippling trivia addiction: www.patreon.com/WorstFootForward

078 - GEORGIE MORRELL - WORLD'S WORST HANGOVER

Knock back a raw egg, fetch another pail of Bloody Mary and get ready to talk to Ralph on the big white telephone as we uncover the history of the worst hangovers of all time.

We're joined by actress, comedian and disability campaigner Georgie Morrell as we disclose our worst indignities - involving Red Setters, hiking boots and Scottish tramps - as well as PG Wodehouse's classification system for hangovers, the real man to blame for Abe Lincoln's assassination and an incredible story involving 400 mythical Aztec bunny rabbits.

One hell of a morning after the night before!

Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @TheGMorrell

Visit www.worstfootforwardpodcast.com for all previous episodes and you can now donate to us on Patreon if you’d like to support Ben’s new baby and Barry’s crippling trivia addiction: www.patreon.com/WorstFootForward

077 - JOHN ROBERTSON - WORLD'S WORST HOUSEMATE

We're not saying you HAVE to listen to this week's episode all about the World's Worst Housemate with comedian John Robertson. We're just leaving you a gentle reminder comprised of several Post-It notes written in Sharpie with lots of CAPITALS and underlined words. Consider this a suggestion rather than a requirement. But if you DO listen, you'll discover that some Byzantine kings liked to bite their servants, that part of Notting Hill declared independence back in the 70s and that John has a staggering real-life story about organic food and familial intimacy.

Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @Robbotron

Visit www.worstfootforwardpodcast.com for all previous episodes and you can now donate to us on Patreon if you’d like to support Ben’s new baby and Barry’s crippling trivia addiction: www.patreon.com/WorstFootForward

076b - THE BEST OF THE WORST OF THE BEST

Holding patterns everyone! Ben and Barry are joined by no one but themselves in this special one-off episode.

Together they go back through the first five subjects they talked about 76 episodes ago - worst psychological treatment, superhero, Beatles song, console game and protest - and uncover the stories of some of the best examples of each. As ever, they end up covering the globe and the history books: from 9th century Persia to modern day Liberia, via weaponised cows and a lot of Beatles trivia.

Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde

Visit www.worstfootforwardpodcast.com for all previous episodes and you can now donate to us on Patreon if you’d like to support Ben’s new baby and Barry’s crippling trivia addiction: www.patreon.com/WorstFootForward

076 - LILY SLOANE - WORLD'S WORST THERAPIST

This week, we invite you to tell us about your feelings. Yes, it's a proper therapy session as Barry and Ben lie on the couch with Lily Sloane, therapist and host of the 'A Therapist Walks Into A Bar' podcast. Lily answers all our questions with questions, Ben is on tenterhooks awaiting his new baby and Barry is ready to unload 18 months worth of feelings. We indulge in some glasses of urine, discover the most toxic of men and delve into Freud's cocaine habit.

Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @lilyrosesloane

Visit www.worstfootforwardpodcast.com for all previous episodes and you can now donate to us on Patreon if you’d like to support Ben’s new baby and Barry’s crippling trivia addiction: www.patreon.com/WorstFootForward

075 - TRISTAN BERNAYS - WORLD'S WORST SEX SCENE

Warning guys. This week's episode is SERIOUSLY SEXY. Stick on some mood music, dim the lights, burn some incense and relax as we lather on the baby-oil in the company of playwright Tristan Bernays. This week's orgy of awful is all about the World's Worst Sex Scene and there are some - literal - bangers in here for you. There are appearances by the Marquis de Sade and Morrissey, we take a trip to the brothels of Pompeii and we discover that men will have sex with literally anything - even picnic tables. Genuinely, if you are a bit squeamish, there are some very rude bits in the show. However, if you like that sort of thing, then lay back and let rip!

074 - PAUL DUNCAN MCGARRITY - WORLD'S WORST KNIGHT

Arise, ye noble listeners of Worst Foot Forward - sorry about accidentally slicing your heads off. Never mind, be of good cheer as Squires McStay and Van der Velde are joined by Sir Paul Duncan McGarrity, erstwhile archaeologist and comedian. Their quest: to venture forth in search of the World’s Worst Knight. Along the way they may face such dangers as Communist dictators with knighthoods, Queen Elizabeth I’s least favourite favourite, and a man armed with the most ridiculous weapon of all: a wasp gun.

Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde@PaulDuncanMcG

Visit www.worstfootforwardpodcast.com for all previous episodes and you can now donate to us on Patreon if you’d like to join the World's Worst Family and support Ben’s new baby and Barry’s crippling trivia addiction: www.patreon.com/WorstFootForward

073 - LYDIA MIZON - WORLD'S WORST QUIZ CONTESTANT

A podcast featuring a champion of the BBC's hardest quiz talking to two idiots about the World's Worst Quiz Contestant.

Buzz!

What is Worst Foot Forward's 73rd Episode?

Correct, and well done for putting your answer in the form of a question. We have Lydia Mizon as our guest, captain of the Escapologists, the winners of series 13 of 'Only Connect'. We interrogate loveable losers from shows as diverse as Mastermind, Pointless and The Weakest Link, we question the infamous Major Ingram and his Millionaire conspirators, and we ask just what exactly a multiple-murderer is doing on Bullseye.

Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @LydiaMizon