This week Dave and Joe discuss more Chinese Ass News, No. 1 Fan Dan receives more stick from another third party about his seagull scandal, and a deliciously dirty debut from the Dildo Brothers. Oh, and some Football stuff.
030 - SULLIVAN AND GOLD: THE DILDO BROTHERS
This week Dave and Joe discuss out of control rampaging Scottish naked pensioners, why you should be careful where you place your glassware (or arse-ware), and find out if indeed Dele Alli was fingering Kyle Walker.
029 - THE END OF THE WOTO AS WE KNOW IT
This week Joe and Caretaker Dan (formerly No.1 fan) discuss the end of the window of transferable opportunity, Joe makes a prediction of the signing of the season, and Jonny Evans returns to East Bromwich Albion from Leicestershire City.
028 - OVERWORKED FANNY THE SEX DOLL
This week Dave and Joe find out that if a burglar takes a shit in your toilet he will be caught (brown handed), local rap sensation ‘Flava’ lays down his PL ting and Wayne Rooney re-signs for England… no, resigns from England.
027 - MOVIE MOGUL MICHAEL OWEN
This week Joe surprises Dave with a very special little gift (which is a very small part), and find out if Everton are Gylfi of paying over the odds for Sigurdarssarssonson of Swansonsea. Son. And, Jonny Evans turns up pissed in Manchester with Bez.
026 - BIG FISH LITTLE FISH PARISIAN POND
This week Dave and Joe discuss Totti’s space adventure, how French Bears are arseholes and that Antonio Cassano is retired (or is he??) Booty, tit, booty, hooter, Chris Waddle. Is that funny?
025 - HAPPY 25TH EPISODE BIRTHDAY
Did aliens crucify Jesus? (No) Do football curses exist? (No) Is the medium of mineral water exciting? (No) Is Michael Phelps faster than a Great White shark? (No) Is Kenedy a racist? (Possibly).
024 - ALWAYS PANTS FIRST... BUT SOCKS SECOND
This week Dave, Joe and No.1 Dan find out that bells can be rung, Rooney does all the admin, Evertanas are in pyjamas, what do you where in bed Dan? Naked on the bottom, and a t-shirt in bed with no pants is weird.
023 - WHAT CAME FIRST, THE CHICKEN OR THE POTATO?
Joe and Dave discuss Eastern Russia’s frozen Horse shit and what can be done with it, and reveal why you won’t see vampires down at Selhurst Park, and Joe upsets Dave by saying John Terry has moved to a “bigger club”. Now, get your shoes on we’re off to a Wetherspoons.
022 - ERECTIONS ARE COMMON
This week Dave and Joe reveal that fidget spinners are EVIL, resident PI Arjan De Zeeuw investigates why FIFA are trying different curry flavours (did I hear that right?) and report that ze Germans have penalised England via a penalty shootout in the penultimate round of the tournament. Pah.
021 - ROBIN HOOD IS EVIL
This week the insufferable heat has got to the insufferable Dave and Joe, causing them to suffer, causing the quality of this episode to suffer. Is it a croissant? Is it a snail? Is it a sausage wrapped in bacon? Oh no, it’s an alien! (Hold on, no, it is a croissant).
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020 - DAN FLETCHER THE AFRICAN LAD
Following on from last week, we discuss some other inanimate objects that one could copulate with, reveal that Chinese poems could end your career and discover that football mascots could be part of a secretive guild.
019 - THE WINDOW OF TRANSFERABLE OPPORTUNITY
Can you legally marry a building, we ask? Also, a brand new feature on football transfers (with theme tune), and Joey Barton treats us to a titbit from his autobiography learning us that it wasn’t all his fault all of the time.
018 - ROGER MOORE'S EYEBROWS
This week Dave and Joe discuss the possibility of tattooing a replacement penis, discover that Roger Moore would happily tackle eight pussies (or even nine) and … John Terry. Yep.
017 - CARAVAN CLUB
This week Dave and Joe find out why some referees ‘knead’ to make some extra ‘dough’, give an in depth review to the 2016/17 season, and explain why divers will be punished and possibly humiliated. WARNING! This episode may contain obscene puns.
016 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID NUGENT
This week Dave and Joe are pleased to announce that Jesus is actually back (playing football), seagulls may now be eating humans, and that betting is more punishable than Kung Fu attacks.
015 - THE GOLDEN FOOT / SHOE / BOOT
This week Dave and Joe discover what Chris Waddle was doing in a sausage factory, find out seagulls have jizz, and learn that the Premier League is under siege from the Avians.
014 - DOES JESUS OWN ANY GULLS?
This week Joe and Dave would like to confirm that Charlie Dimmock is not "the chunky Groundforce guy”, and discuss possible cast members for ‘Fearless’ (the Jamie Vardy movie) and provide undeniable proof that footballers may well be intelligent.
013 - SESSEGNON GETS IT ON HIS LEFT HAND FOOT
This week Dave and Joe provide evidence that proves footballers may well be stupid, discuss the tidal flows from the north coast of Scotland to the western coast of Norway, and reveal that you will not find dogs operating MRI machines.
012 - LUCAS HAS TO WORK HARD TO THE END OF THE SEASON
This week we stand corrected by one of our listeners on beard watch, discuss how some beer can be literally shit, and get into the mind of ex hat-trick hero Robbie Earnshaw.