This week Dave and Joe discuss the plausibility of a genius Russian Martian boy, and discover that Gattuso was the shit to Pirlo’s Nutella. Also, The Dildo Brothers return with Slaven’s sack.
038 - ASAMOAH GYAN IS IN THE AIR TONIGHT
This week Dave and Joe discover that this fine country is being invaded by foreign ladybirds riddled with sexual diseases, goalkeepers do need to wee, and if you lacerate your penis you/it will require stitches.
037 - GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES AND SMELL THE PISS
Hawaiian Spam trifles, urinating at fans will get you banned, edible Eddie Howe and sexy Sean Dyche, and our soon to be award winning sitcom ‘Sullivan and Gold: The Dildo Brothers’.
036 - HE'S GOT A DOVER SOLE DOWN HIS THROAT!
Polar Bears murdering Walrusses, commentators quitting, Jesus Christ! Fabio Rochemback’s blockbuster long-shot, Tim Cahill’s aviation celebration, Morrissey, and the BBC. Also: David, Paul, Steve, John, Andy, Mark, Chris, Kevin, Michael, Lee.
035 - GORDON STRACHAN THE GINGER SHETLAND PONY
This week No.1 Fan Dan is back with a quiz (but he only had a sandwich for dinner), we bring a "detailed" report from the World Cup qualifiers which includes a phone call from Jonny Evans, and Alex Cockslave Chambermaid.
034 - COCK-A-DOBBY
This week Dave continues his obsession with sex robots, Joe discusses surprisingly stupid signs of silly streets, and they try to work out how many red cards it takes for a football match to become ‘officially’ mental.
033 - MAAAAAAARK FISH
This week Dave and Joe discuss fizzy milk and sex robots (not together!), a couple of examples of how modern football is rubbish and learn that Clint ‘Deuce’ Dempsey is a terrible rapper. Also, the Dildo Brothers return!
032 - EAR-RENT
This week Dave and Joe discuss nutty Russians and nazi slippers, a Hollywood premier league round up, and a very quick re-cap of the Milk/Coca-Cola/Worthington Cup.
031 - THE WALK-IN CONDOM MACHINE
This week Dave and Joe discuss more Chinese Ass News, No. 1 Fan Dan receives more stick from another third party about his seagull scandal, and a deliciously dirty debut from the Dildo Brothers. Oh, and some Football stuff.
030 - SULLIVAN AND GOLD: THE DILDO BROTHERS
This week Dave and Joe discuss out of control rampaging Scottish naked pensioners, why you should be careful where you place your glassware (or arse-ware), and find out if indeed Dele Alli was fingering Kyle Walker.
029 - THE END OF THE WOTO AS WE KNOW IT
This week Joe and Caretaker Dan (formerly No.1 fan) discuss the end of the window of transferable opportunity, Joe makes a prediction of the signing of the season, and Jonny Evans returns to East Bromwich Albion from Leicestershire City.
028 - OVERWORKED FANNY THE SEX DOLL
This week Dave and Joe find out that if a burglar takes a shit in your toilet he will be caught (brown handed), local rap sensation ‘Flava’ lays down his PL ting and Wayne Rooney re-signs for England… no, resigns from England.
027 - MOVIE MOGUL MICHAEL OWEN
This week Joe surprises Dave with a very special little gift (which is a very small part), and find out if Everton are Gylfi of paying over the odds for Sigurdarssarssonson of Swansonsea. Son. And, Jonny Evans turns up pissed in Manchester with Bez.
026 - BIG FISH LITTLE FISH PARISIAN POND
This week Dave and Joe discuss Totti’s space adventure, how French Bears are arseholes and that Antonio Cassano is retired (or is he??) Booty, tit, booty, hooter, Chris Waddle. Is that funny?
025 - HAPPY 25TH EPISODE BIRTHDAY
Did aliens crucify Jesus? (No) Do football curses exist? (No) Is the medium of mineral water exciting? (No) Is Michael Phelps faster than a Great White shark? (No) Is Kenedy a racist? (Possibly).
024 - ALWAYS PANTS FIRST... BUT SOCKS SECOND
This week Dave, Joe and No.1 Dan find out that bells can be rung, Rooney does all the admin, Evertanas are in pyjamas, what do you where in bed Dan? Naked on the bottom, and a t-shirt in bed with no pants is weird.
023 - WHAT CAME FIRST, THE CHICKEN OR THE POTATO?
Joe and Dave discuss Eastern Russia’s frozen Horse shit and what can be done with it, and reveal why you won’t see vampires down at Selhurst Park, and Joe upsets Dave by saying John Terry has moved to a “bigger club”. Now, get your shoes on we’re off to a Wetherspoons.
022 - ERECTIONS ARE COMMON
This week Dave and Joe reveal that fidget spinners are EVIL, resident PI Arjan De Zeeuw investigates why FIFA are trying different curry flavours (did I hear that right?) and report that ze Germans have penalised England via a penalty shootout in the penultimate round of the tournament. Pah.
021 - ROBIN HOOD IS EVIL
This week the insufferable heat has got to the insufferable Dave and Joe, causing them to suffer, causing the quality of this episode to suffer. Is it a croissant? Is it a snail? Is it a sausage wrapped in bacon? Oh no, it’s an alien! (Hold on, no, it is a croissant).
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020 - DAN FLETCHER THE AFRICAN LAD
Following on from last week, we discuss some other inanimate objects that one could copulate with, reveal that Chinese poems could end your career and discover that football mascots could be part of a secretive guild.