"Our Bruce in Gotham, feared be thy cowl. Your Kingdom Come, your will be done, breaking all of the Riddler's bones in the process. Give us this night our desired safety. Forgive us for making gay jokes about you and Robin, as we forgive those who make gay jokes about our fascination with a leather-clad S&M rodent. And lead us not into mediocre superhero stories, but deliver us from boredom. For thine is the city, the police and the criminals, forever and ever. We swear to you."
065 - BRAWLIN' BATTLESHIP #3 - BOXING WITH DANCING ADAM SMITH
In this, the third episode of the increasingly inappropriately named fight section of the podcast, we speak to a returning Dancing Adam Smith, who is scheduled to murder another opponent this Friday. Sage advice is doled out, as are threats and jokes. Relive his first fight, learn how to get into a ring yourself, and prepare to be scared for your life by a dancer.
Music by Kevin MacLeod
064 - WHAT WE WATCHED #16 - BLAIR WITCH
Hey, Boo-boo! We err got ourselves a podcast talking about the new Blair Witch-a picture! Yes, it's Halloween early aboard the Battleship, as Captain Michael Cook and Quartermaster Rob Stoakes discuss the difference between predator drones and Amazon drones, the obsession modern horror has with the homeless and Russian bears. What else would you expect in a Blair Witch review?
Music by Kevin MacLeod and FINN
063 - WHAT WE WATCHED #15 - KUBO AND BOOBS. BOOBO.
Things get raunchy on the Battleship Potemkast with one-eyed children, Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Put 'em on the Glass" and Eastenders actors. Yes, it's What We Watched, where Quartermaster Stoakes tries to explain why you should see Depression Revelations the Movie while Captain Cook goes back in time to inspire Da Vinci.
Music by Kevin MacLeod
062 - CRITIC VS COMEDIAN #1 - THE GREATEST MOVIE SEQUEL?
FIGHT! In this new segment, a comedian and a critic vie in bloody battle for your entertainment. Your gladiators, Captain Michael Cook with his army of robots and hackers and Quartermaster Rob Stoakes with his legion of clowns and millionaires, will continue the grand tradition of audiences and reviewers fighting over who's right, and duel to decide what is the greatest movie sequel of all time; Terminator 2 or The Dark Knight!
Music by Kevin MacLeod and Toby Fox
061 - CAPTAIN COOK'S CAGE CHAT #2 - UFC 203 FEAT. REGULAR JOE
Look in my eyes! What do you see? The Battleship Potemkast podcast, that's what, as Captain Cook, Quartermaster Stoakes, and Regular Joe analyse, deconstruct and reconstruct UFC 203. Wonder Woman is recast! Stipe saves cats! CM Punk quotes Rocky! Oh my, what an episode!
Music by Kevin MacLeod
060 - GENTLEMAN'S GAMING GULAG #16 - BACK ON THE CIVIL WARPATH
It's the Gentleman's Gaming Gulag where we talk about movies instead. There are many revelations on the ship; Quartermaster Stoakes sucks at war, Captain Cook stands up for Scarlet Witch, and a great journey is made as we get a sneak peek at a 10,000 hour long recording session.
Music by Kevin MacLeod
059 - WHAT WE WATCHED #14 - SAUSAGE PARTY
Meat is on the minds of the Battleship Potemkast crew (tell us something we don't already know)as Sausage Party is up for the chop. Marvel at Quartermaster Stoakes' encyclopedia-like knowledge of films! Be stunned as Seth Rogan disappears from his own film! Shiver as Captain Cook itches in anticipation for October like the Norwegian scientists in a certain despised horror prequel!
Music by Kevin MacLeod and Toby Fox
058 - CAPTAIN COOK'S CAGE CHAT #1 - CMUFC FEAT. REGULAR JOE
Regular Joe, a not regular guest, makes his return on the Battleship Potemkast, joining Captain Michael Cook on a fighting focused fragment of the Battleship Potemkast. On this week, the aftermath of McGregor and Diaz is discussed in anticipation for the sequel (MVD2, McGregor Vs Diaz Requiem) and CM Punk is compared to Rocky Balboa.
Music by Kevin MacLeod
057 - GAMESCOM
Gamescom! Gamescom... there were games. Mostly stabbing Hideo Kojima in the back and nervousness about Resident Evil from the boys. Captain Cook bores everyone to death with football, Quartermaster Stoakes reveals his greatest fear, and Soviet Russia introduces mohawks to its military machines.
Music by Kevin MacLeod
056 - WHAT WE WATCHED #13 - STRANGERS OUT
Captain Cook and Quartermaster Stoakes have horror on the brain, as Captain Cook dives into the conspiracy behind Stranger Things, while Quartermaster Stoakes dives into the darkness of Lights Out. One of those is beloved and good. One of those is beloved and bad. Which is which? What is where? And who are you? Answers to some of these questions are in the episode.
Music by Kevin MacLeod
055 - THE EDINBURGH FRINGE BINGE
Quartermaster Stoakes takes Captain Cook to a faraway world... Scotland. Yes, we went to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and saw a great many things, including hippies infiltrating the West Borough Baptist Church, symmetrical people, unnamed Kiwis and Thai Food. Fun times were had by all, and this is their account.
Music by Kevin MacLeod
054 - RETRO REVIEWS #1 - GHOSTBUSTERS #2
We took a great risk by throwing the first episode of our new series into your hands, but democracy has led Captain Cook and Quartermaster Stoakes to rediscover a diamond in the rough. While Rob confuses The Wiz and The Wizard, Michael bemoans museums, and yet more is cut from the Ghostbusters reboot.
Music by Kevin MacLeod
053 - WHAT YOU DIDN'T WATCH
Not another clip show! With the boys taking a break to prepare their new space, they have left you a present. If you've been closing the episode when the really good music kicks in at the end (you monster) then this is the episode for you. Enjoy, pretties.
Music by Kevin MacLeod
052 - WHAT WE WATCHED #12 - CRITIC VS COMEDIAN; SQUAD OF SUICIDE
We only say it's Critic vs Comedian in the title, really they mostly agree on Suicide Squad. However, Captain Cook doesn't agree with the rest of the world on it, and wages war. Quatermaster Stoakes, meanwhile, returns from a wedding inside Lewis.
Music by Kevin MacLeod
051 - GENTLEMAN'S GAM WHO CARES IT'S THE METROID 30TH ANNIVERSARY!
So, ladies and gentleman, your beloved and handsome Quartermaster Rob Stoakes has a deep abiding love for Metroid that Nintendo doesn't seem to share, and him and the illustrious comedian Captain Michael Cook will celebrate its thirtieth anniversary no matter what technical difficulties there may be.
Music from the excellent Harmony of a Hunter albums by Shinesparkers. Download here; http://www.metroid-database.com/harmonyofahunter.php
WARNING: As a note, we're not joking about the technical difficulties. Captain Cook's microphone wasn't working properly for the first two minutes of this episode, so hang tight or skip to about 1:32.
050 - WHAT WE WATCHED #11 - SUICIDE SQUAD
Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Yes, it's Suicide Squad time, where two men who actually like films talk about a film they like and no one else does. Join Captain Cook and special guest Regular Joe as they discuss movie expectations, Batman not murdering people in a movie for once, and what one man will do for Margot Robbie in short shorts.
Music by Kevin MacLeod
049 - UNRESTRICTED, UNRATED, UNNAMED #1 - PRE-SUICIDE SQUAD
Captain Cook and new crew member Regular Joe haven't seen Suicide Squad yet, but that doesn't mean that they don't have opinions. Listen as they bitch on the internet about bitching on the internet, and then about undefeated streaks in UFC. Inbetween, Batman vs Superman is defended and Nate Diaz drinks tequila in Mexico. So fun times for all.
Music by Kevin MacLeod
048 - CREW'S LOG #7 - QUATER LIFE FEAT. RICHARD THOMPSON
When the Quartermaster's away, the mice will play. In particular, fictional people will play Dungeons and Dragons in Richard Thompson's sitcom Quarter Life! Discover Captain Cook's stance on Brexit, Richard Thompson's power as director, and that it turns out that the nerds were the ones having fun at university after all...
Music by Kevin MacLeod
047 - WHERE WE WENT #2 - I SHOULD NEVER GOVE ZOMBIE WALKING
n which Captain Michael Cook fights unkillable zombies with riot shields at a terrible zombie-themed adventure called Captain Dave's Zombie Not-Real Thing, and Quartermaster Stoakes vastly improves upon it by ripping off Left 4 Dead. You can't go wrong; there's fat shaming, stag parties and water pistols filled with paint.
Music by Kevin MacLeod and Lebansker0n