Idiot vs Arsehole - the podcast equivalent of a hostage negotiation.
Best friends, Kelvin and Crease, can find reasons to disagree about almost everything, from the ranking of smells, to the temptations of cannibalism, and the nightmare of wobbly bones. Armed with a list of moral dilemmas, hypothetical situations, news stories, and anecdotes, Crease must hold Kelvin’s interest for as long as possible. But Kelvin is a hard man to please.
Originally recorded live, as part of an online radio show, this comedy podcast is provocative and unruly. Hosted by Kelvin Bilsland and Richard Creasey.
Expect strong language / adult content.
We also upload clips, short films and sketch shows on YouTube.
Email: theradiofacecomedy@gmail.com
From our plans for the apocalypse, to humankind’s prospects in the far reaches of space, this episode suggests we’re in trouble on pretty much every scale.
We also discuss - and then have to attempt - a "controlled stabbing", before Crease struggles to comprehend why Kelvin wants to have sex with himself. The usual nonsense, but this week, we actually roll around on the floor while we stab each other.
This episode covers a range of topics, from sexy sea dragons, to a death pact that ends badly no matter who survives. However, our conversation about useless super-powers gets interrupted by a call from one of our listeners, “Kittens”, who has a distinctive way of describing things - much to Kelvin’s frustration.
Sensitive soul, Crease, wants us to estimate how many animals we’ve inadvertently killed. Whereas, pedantic soul, Kelvin, thinks he has a better question. After that, we demoralise crap ghosts, design the perfect genitals… and Kelvin thoroughly dismantles The Walrus Topic.
Crease has murdered someone. Dramatic pause. That’s the hypothetical situation he poses at the start of this week’s episode. But it’s when Kelvin explains why he, personally, couldn’t kill anyone, that things really come off the rails. Later, Kelvin is incredibly rude to some listeners who call in to the show, and Crease asks, unrelatedly, whether we need to start giving ourselves a positive PR spin.
This episode, we discuss the possibility of planes not being real and of Jesus being a gigantic, depraved maniac. Fine. But it’s when Crease broaches the topic of babies that he unleashes an anger in Kelvin that cannot be contained.
We’ve held off for three episodes; but it’s time for us to discuss the selection process for cannibalism.
We also have a chat about a bizarre local event that’s taking place, and address a handful of topics from the listeners - for context, we should probably point out that the show was originally recorded live for online radio.
So, is Kelvin’s opinion on yogurt really more controversial than [REDACTED]?
The episode begins with Crease vividly describing the fantastical thing he did at work, bringing new life into this world via a cow’s vagina.
After that, Kelvin shows a bizarre level of contempt for both science *and* magic, and the two of us have an argument about who matters more in a rescue attempt; the hostage or Kelvin.
In our first episode, Crease asks Kelvin to invent his own children’s film. But Kelvin overthinks the question. Or underthinks it, when you consider the film he comes up with.
There’s also a discussion about the downsides of immortality, and an attempt to judge some thoroughly pathetic monsters. Perhaps most telling, though, is that we can’t even agree on the title of the very first topic.