Featuring: Booze, Beardo, Chuck Turtleman
Producer: Booze, Beardo, Turtleman

Whaaaat’s up, me old China plates?

Put another whelk on the Barbie(cue) as our Australian correspondent Beardo returns to insult the country his criminal forefathers were exiled from years ago, for crimes too trivial to bother hanging them for. He starts with a report on England’s lamest sports, most of which seem to have been invented to give the aristocracy an excuse to fondle each other’s bottoms.

There’s more England bashing in the News Round, as Prince Harry saves animals by murdering them, and we find out that Booze is paying to keep a big fat lady in skinny men and Xboxes. It’s not all route one, lowest common denominator xenophobia, though. We also give you our review of HBO’s critically unacclaimed Real Detective(s), meet a lady dwarf with an extra appendage, listen to a lovelorn listener’s letter to Chuck Turtleman, and Beardo pays for his absence last week by performing a Feat of Strength. And we’re probably the only podcast you’ll listen to this week that features a flashback within a flashback, followed by a flashback. (That last flashback isn’t within the first flashback, though. That would be confusing.)

So put the saucepan lids to bed, pour yourself a nice warm pint, and stick this in yer bleedin’ ear’ole, my honkies.
Gertcha!

Featuring: Booze, Belasco, Chuck Turtleman

Producer: Booze, Turtleman

Guess what? Belasco’s Back!

We were let down this week by somebody who shall remain nameless but who is Australian and has a big beard, so we had to ask a real professional to come back from his holidays and help us out.*

Although our host strangely disappears when we welcome back another blast from the past… our agony aunt Bane off of Batman, who drops by to help solve a listener’s love conundrum.

Remember Baldgust? That’s SFJ’s answer to Movember, where instead of getting to grow a cool moustache, you shave your head to look like a victim of male pattern baldness. Well, a cancer charity has stolen our idea, so we’re not going to rest until we’ve sued them for every cent of that juicy cancer money.

Meanwhile, we find out how our woodworking and methamphetamine enthusiast Idiot of Facebook Krystal Keith’s very public romance is getting on, struggle not to make the obvious joke when a lady’s cat gets unfortunately shaved, and find out which Hollywood actor took a small role that ended up being the role of a lifetime.

So stick this in your ear of choice and have a very Happy Baldgust, my honkies!