111 - ON THE WAGON TRAIN! (I.E. THERE'S NO BOOZE. GET IT?)

Featuring:  Belasco, Beardo, Chuck Turtleman
Producer: Beardo, Turtleman

Whaaaaaat’s up, my honkies?

Grab your 20-sided dice, dust off your wizard cloak, and invite your three friends to your mom’s basement, because Belasco, king of the #Belascopaths, is back!

Chuck has still been playing his Solvin’ Crimes* game, and with the help of the best voice actor in SFJ history, he takes us on a thrilling ride through his latest case!

Despite some resistance, Chuck takes up the copter for the News Round, and brings us stories of a gorgeous gator-grappling gal and some handy-capable Chinese Chinapeople. Also, we hear another installment of the Saga of Krystal Keith, to see how he reacts to news of his own death.

All this, and more casual racism than you can poke a chopstick at, in this very special episode of SFJ.

Special thanks to Shirley Maclaine, who played the role of Gravy Hayes.

*Criminal Case

110 - CRIMINAL CASE - THE PODCAST!

Featuring:  Booze, Beardo, Chuck Turtleman
Producer: Beardo, Turtleman, Booze

Waaaaaatson up, my honkies???

Strap a deerstalker on your bonce and prepare yourself a nice juicy seven percent solution, it’s time for an all-new, very special, three pipe episode of Sweet Feathery Jesus!

Chuck has a new favorite smartphone-based video game, which apparently involves the widespread application of hand lotion, and criminal suspects of a bizarrely uniform range of heights. Oi Me Colon (Mum, Try Up!) is thankfully no more, but Booze has found a replacement, as SFJ now owns the exclusive audio podcast serialization rights to a brand-new biography of a current, modern-day superstar actress.

Beardo is back, blasting #Belascopaths and bigots on his news didgeridoo. Chuck takes up the newscopter for another suspiciously monkey-free News Round (although, don’t fret, there are Chinese Chinapeople aplenty).

All this, another triumphant return of Dicky’s ‘Just The Tip’, plenty of casual racism and a Stefano mystery for you to solve, on this very special episode of SFJ.

The game is afoot! So stick it in your ear.

(Shirley MacLaine is played by Gravy Hayes.)

109 - HALLOWEEN (& GUY FAWKES NIGHT) SPECIAL!

Featuring:  Booze, Beardo, Chuck Turtleman
Producer: Beardo, Turtleman, Booze

Whaaaaaat’s up, my haunted Halloween honkies?! On this very special spooooky Sweet Feathery Jesus, we have themed the ENTIRE episode in accordance with Halloween and/or Guy Fawkes Night (but not Bunyip Day).

We learn about the history of Booze’s dumb country’s dumb holiday traditions, and why it is absolutely necessary to burn catholics to death. Beardo brings us a very spooooky slice of True Australian History, and Chuck takes up the News Copter to bring us some truly terrifying news stories, except that one of them isn’t terrifying in the slightest.

Booze inflicts a very spooooky episode of Oi Me Colon (‘Mum, Try Up!’) upon his innocent and long-suffering co-hosts, and we check in with Idiot of Facebook Duct Tape Lisa, who is as frightening as ever.

All that, a scantily-clad R&B songstress, some magical Facebook spells, a spooooky song about Turtleman’s haunted audio equipment and the most annoying sound effect ever, on this very special episode. So stick us in your eery holes, and enjoy this horrifying Halloween SFJ special!

(Oh, and if you listen very carefully you may be able to hear the adenoidal snoring of a ghostly hellhound. Which is pretty spooooky.)

108 - SHANGLEFRANGLE! (SCHADENFREUDE!)

Featuring:  Booze, Beardo, Chuck Turtleman
Producer: Beardo, Turtleman, Booze

حالتون چطوره؟ (Haletun chetore), my honkies? That’s the Iranian ChinaLanguage, for all you Anglo-/Euro-/Amerigo-centric monoglots. In this very special episode of SFJ, the S stands for Shanglefrangle, also known as schadenfreude. Without realising it until after the recording, this week the lads indulged in a real ShangleFest of Frangelic proportions. From the transgendered to the transabled, from a comatose Swiss Spaniard to an unfortunate Danish zoo animal, from the city of Iran to the television screens of South ChinaKorea, you’ll laugh until you join us for eternity in Satan’s embrace.

That, a healthy dose of casual racism and over 450 pounds of Friendzone Frank, in this very special episode of the Sweet Feathery Jesus Podcast.

So fire up the Shanglefrangle alarm and stick us in your cotton-filled earholes, my legally blind honkies!

107 - AUSTRALIAN HIJACK!

Featuring:  Booze, Beardo, Chuck Turtleman
Producer: Beardo, Turtleman, Booze

Hi there friends, it’s me, Beardo. In this very special (and your favourite) episode of the Sweet Feathery Jesus podcast, the person in control is me, Beardo. That’s right, your favourite Australian/Clevelander, Beardo, has hijacked SFJ. But don’t worry, those other two guys are on it too.

In this episode, we discuss my sweet cephalopodic tattoos, and Booze takes us to the far East, where Chuck and I have to tell the difference between President Obama and his Chinese ChinaLookalike. While in the Asian ChinaRegions, we are also forced to experience another episode of Oi Me Co-Lon by the tyrannical and megalomaniac British member of the SFJ team.

Professor Chuck Turtleman is granted permission to launch his News Copter, and he brings us three stories that all involve dicks in some way, as is his custom.

We also welcome a new bit that has a wonderful jingle, but highly objectionable content, from our correspondent in MassAHHchussettes, Dicky (yes, also phallic).

All this, a lesbian with a strap-on, and a discussion on where to urinate in one’s kitchen, on this very special episode of Sweet Feathery Jesus.

So bang a black billy, stick us in your aural orifices, and listen to the best ever episode of SFJ.

Your friend,

Beardo

106 - WORLD'S BIGGEST DICK!

Featuring:  Booze, Beardo, Chuck Turtleman
Producer: Booze, Beardo, Turtleman

Tempers fray on the podcast this week, as suspiciously “refreshed” sounding technophobe Chuck Turtleman has trouble (again) with his recording set-up, and Booze and Beardo have to painstakingly talk him through troubleshooting it. Step by step. Over the phone. Between three different continents. For over an hour. Which was a bit like trying to get a chimpanzee to fix Apollo 13.

This tension carries over into the show, and two beloved SFJ segments are abandoned for good.

Chuck takes up the copter (without asking for permission) for the News Round, in which a hippy from Hawaii has bollocks for brains and a dolphin as a midwife, and Beardo’s homeland is sprouting up messiahs left, right and center. We also examine the world’s largest penis, but come to find that the biggest dick on the internet may in fact be one (or all) of us. But don’t worry, this episode has at least one monkey in it, and a healthy dose of casual racism. So wrap your dolphin-proof panties over your 19-inch member, pray to Aussie Jesus(es), and jam us tight into your ear-holes for a very special episode of the Sweet Feathery Jesus podcast!

105 - THE ED FOR PRESIDENT!

Featuring:  Booze, Beardo, Chuck Turtleman
Producer: Booze, Beardo, Turtleman

Whaaaaaaaat’s up my honkies? On this fortnightly injection of podcast brilliance right into your main-vein, we finally welcome back recurring guest, reformed bank robber and listener favorite, The Ed!

Move over, Deez Nuts, because The Ed is all fired up, and ready to forge a new government of The Ed, for The Ed, and by The Ed.

Chuck takes the copter up for the News Round, and brings us a story from Belasco’s back yard, about a wizard who is being rather careless with his (or her?) raw meat. Also, this week’s Idiots of Facebook is all about Chuck Turtleman’s favorite “thing” on the internet: Duct Tape Lisa. Grab your socks and prepare for the #Shanglefrangle alert, this one’s a doozy!

All that, a bullied Belascopath, and a thoughtful analysis of the ongoing North/South Korea China-conflict, on this week’s Sweet Feathery Jesus.

So stick us in your aural orifices, and vote The Ed, 2016.

104 - ENGLAND IS RUBBISH

Featuring:  Booze, Beardo, Chuck Turtleman
Producer: Booze, Beardo, Turtleman

Whaaaat’s up, me old China plates?

Put another whelk on the Barbie(cue) as our Australian correspondent Beardo returns to insult the country his criminal forefathers were exiled from years ago, for crimes too trivial to bother hanging them for. He starts with a report on England’s lamest sports, most of which seem to have been invented to give the aristocracy an excuse to fondle each other’s bottoms.

There’s more England bashing in the News Round, as Prince Harry saves animals by murdering them, and we find out that Booze is paying to keep a big fat lady in skinny men and Xboxes.  It’s not all route one, lowest common denominator xenophobia, though.  We also give you our review of HBO’s critically unacclaimed Real Detective(s), meet a lady dwarf with an extra appendage, listen to a lovelorn listener’s letter to Chuck Turtleman, and Beardo pays for his absence last week by performing a Feat of Strength. And we’re probably the only podcast you’ll listen to this week that features a flashback within a flashback, followed by a flashback. (That last flashback isn’t within the first flashback, though. That would be confusing.)

So put the saucepan lids to bed, pour yourself a nice warm pint, and stick this in yer bleedin’ ear’ole, my honkies.
Gertcha!

91 - BEARDO!

Featuring:  BoozeBelasco, Chuck Turtleman

Producer: Chuck Turtleman, Booze, Belasco

There are a lot of beards about these days. And, even though you’d think they’d be a terrible health and safety risk around all those barbecues and snakes, they’ve even got them in Australia now. Especially the men. This week,  SFJ’s hirsute antipodean correspondent Beardo brings us the first of his True Stories from Australian History. Don’t worry, there’s a monkey in it.

In the News Round, we hear about some pretend PVC police lady preposterousness in a Brazilian women’s prison and a Doom Metal “singer” who goes asphalt surfing without a board.  We’ll re-visit our Prison Pen Pals to see if Booze will finally pick one with a pronounceable name.

Later, our Idiots of Facebook segment takes us into the life of a grieving woman and her unique coping mechanisms, Belasco continues to beat the dead horse about role-playing games, and Prof. Turtleman brings us the second part of his Spockter Who saga.

So, suitcase this one and share it with the cellmates, but don’t let the warden catch you with it.

Links

86 - MR. DONG MEETS MR. CHIN

Featuring:  Dr. P, BoozeBelasco

Producer: Booze, Dr. P

Ni hao, my honkies!

It’s a Chinapeople extravaganza this week as we see what cheese-loving Naughty Leader Kim Jong-Il Jr. has been up to, infiltrate an oriental graverobbing bicyclist ring and introduce Mr. Dong to Mr. Chin. If you’ll pardon the expression.

Changing the subject completely, Booze shows us Belgium’s most disappointing penis, somebody called “Chuck Turtleman” steals Dr. P’s News ‘Copter, and Belasco tells a very, very funny joke.

In SFJ’s Penitentiary Pen Pals, our ovaried offenders include a helpful “youth worker” and a nice young lady who could show Kim Kardashian a thing or two about beverage balancing.

Last, but definitely not least, we catch up with our favorite social media simpleton in a special-length Idiots of Facebook that may or may not end with a beautiful romantic duet.

So take your loved one in your arms, gaze deep into their eyes and… stick it in their ear.

xoxo

85 - OUIJA - THE PODCAST

Featuring:  Dr. P, BoozeBelasco

Producer: Booze, Dr. P

As friends we’ve gathered, hearts are true, spirits near… we call to you.

Is there anybody there?

Oh, there you are. Happy Halloween!

Following the runaway success of our Battleship episode, we thought we’d try another board game based crappy movie tie-in. Ouija… The Podcast.

Join us as we attempt to contact the dead before your very ears. You won’t BELIEVE what happens.*

Is there anything more horrific than a toddler? Yes. 3 toddlers. Dr. P brings us a tale of terror that will make you think that Freddie Kreuger might have had the right idea about childcare.

Booze proves beyond any doubt that there’s life after death with the aid of a butterfly and a man called Don, Belasco reads a comic book called Sex Heroes or something and we meet some more lovely locked up ladies in SFJ’s Penitentiary Pen Pals.

Then, in a very special Halloween News Round, we meet a woman with a dead Nan and a haircut from 1983, find out why ‘Lil Bub won’t be going to Tanzania anytime soon and ask whether dead babies can ever be funny.

As it turns out, the answer is no. But we left that bit in anyway.

So turn out the lights, stick us in your ear and remember…

Even a man** who’s pure in heart, and says his prayers by night
may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms
and the autumn moon is bright.
My honkies.

*you will believe what happens.

**or lady.

84 - CHIMPANZEES IN DUNGAREES

Featuring:  Dr. P, BoozeBelasco

Producer: Booze, Dr. P

And… we’re back!

After 83 episodes of Season 1, welcome to Season 2 of the Sweet Feathery Jesus! Podcast.

We’re still committed to bringing you the finest monkey-based, Chinaland-centric podcast on the internet, but we’ve added loads of new stuff just to annoy people who don’t like change.

In Penitentiary Pen Pals, a listener shows us a website where we can meet lonely, open minded, non-judgemental ladies. Who just happen to be in prison for serious crimes.

Dr P meets an old flame with a new baby in Horrible Hypothetical, and Booze tells us why he thinks Belgium is shit in his new feature called… “Belgium Is Shit”.

Then we add Linda Ronstadt’s knickers to the long list of things we’re slightly obsessed about, and Belasco reads some comic books.

So stick it back in your ear, my honkies. Thanks for listening!